Achieving the 'perfect birth'...a rant

Sometimes you read something and you just cannot think about anything else. It lights a fire in you.

This happened to me last night. I don't usually read the news but in my mindless scrolling I came across an article from the BBC titled 'the pressure on women to have the perfect birth', see link below . I feel that the article is SO important in a very strange way - it enrages me but I'm also so glad that it was written. I need you to know what I think about it (and if you can't be bothered to read my ramblings skip to the tips at the end!).

So in summary (it's incredibly long) it outlines the dangers of giving women a vision of birth as positive, straightforward, dreamy, easy and importantly, vaginal (which is largely seen as the marketplace of hypnobirthing). It talks about how when women are told that they can have a 'dream' birth this can lead to feelings of disappointment at best and trauma at worst when they don't 'achieve' a birth that has been described to them as an ideal.

As a hypnobirthing teacher this can certainly make me feel attacked. But it should. We should be challenged.

I know many people that felt the way the article described - that this wonderful version of birth was presented to them when they did their birth preparation of choice and they felt wholly unprepared for the reality of birth when it came - and felt they'd almost been lied to. Typically in these scenarios those individuals also didn't feel they were made aware of the choices they had when it came to their birth and how it unfolds.

A feminist perspective

Very few readers will read the article in full, it even took me until this morning to actually read every word - and this is my job. Most of us read the headlines and a few sentences to get a feel for the article. Spend the typical 30 seconds and you get the following story: woman believes she can have a pain free vaginal birth convinced by hypnobirthing teachers, woman goes into labour has scary medical interventions and is left traumatised, disappointed and lied to. She is brainwashed and doesn't listen to friends who tried to warn her. Next sentence 'for much of history women frequently died in labour'... that's enough for me thanks, I'll stop there. I don't think I'd be wanting to do a hypnobirthing course after reading that.

For this reason it plays directly into journalistic click bait. To maintaining a view of birth as horrible and scary. To keeping us in our box. How dare we dream, surely a healthy baby is enough. It's indulgent. We don't deserve it. How dare we not fear our own bodies. How dare we challenge the status quo.

How strange that we are invited to consider again and again how dangerous it is to empower women. What fragile beings we are.

I am excited about this article because it inadvertantly highlights exactly the most important part of preparing for birth through hypnobirthing. It is such a great example for so many reasons - and gets right to the crux of misconceptions about preparing for birth in this way. You are not aiming for a 'hypnobirth'...whatever you think that may be.

The article is a reminder of some very important things about birth:

• How we talk about birth is so important

• There is no such thing as a 'hypnobirth'

• Exploring ALL of the equally valid birth journeys is important

• You cannot control many factors in how your birth unfolds

• Information is power

• Birth trauma is real

Yes we talk about how birth can be an incredibly positive experience. This is number one on the list. We have been conditioned to fear birth, whether we consciously recognise it or not. The basis of this fear is not on facts. Most of us don't even have images in our heads of a bog standard straight forward birth, let alone a wonderful one. We just have no idea, no information. Fear of birth actually inhibits the ability of our bodies to work effectively and birth our babies, which increases the likihood of us having a negative birth experience or at the very least a more complex birth. Hypnobirthing helps challenge the in-built fear of birth and replace it with excitement. So we spend time on it - there's a lot of work to undo.

BUT WE DON'T STOP THERE.

There is so much more. This alone of course is great work, but about as useful as a chocolate teapot when your body starts deciding that it's ready to wriggle a baby out and you're hit with NHS policies, a myriad of choices, everyones opinions and sensations that feel totally unexplained in your body.

Your birth

So you've helped dissolve some of that fear of birth. Next you're thinking about what a positive birth would look like for you. I don't care what that is, as long as it's yours and you own it!

It could be a sparkly water birth with whale music, a foraged trail mix for snacks and your favourite home blend of aromatherapy oils and your cat next to you... or it could be a wonderfully serene, organised and smoothly executed planned cesarian listening to your absolute favourite tunes holding the hand of your partner, chinese ordered for the evening. Either way for me, a positive birth, and one that I would be so proud to help my clients to prepare for is one where you feel calm, confident and able to reflect on with comfort and positivity. There really is no such thing as a 'hypnobirth'...only your birth, unique to you.

Practical tools and support

So you've got your vision of what birth could be, then you've worked on what you'd like it to be for you. Then comes the extra fun bit. An absolute bucket full of tools and techiques for you to use leading up to and during birth to help you keep fear at bay, feel as calm and comfortable as possible and handle any turns your birth takes. We practice them. The tools aren't designed for one type of birth - they can be used in ALL scenarios.

Information is power

You learn how your body works, how birth unfolds, what potential routes it could take. This is to help ensure that when your birth progresses you have some understanding of what could be happening in your body. You are informed, in advance. You know your rights. You learn about effective decision making in birth using some of this information - which can help you navigate the turns birth takes - and remain calm and confident in your decisions as a birth team. You can own your birth!

Unfortunately we have a very damaged and difficult maternity system in the UK to navigate. I'm afraid you need to be armed in this environment, and confident wielding your arms. That's what I'm here for.

But I'd like a 'hypnobirth' please

If you'd like me to train you to have a 'hypnobirth' I'm afraid I'm not right for you. I have no idea what a positive birth 'should' look like for you - and I'm not going to tell you.

What I can do is teach you how you can maximise your chances of having a calm and confident birth - whatever turns your birth takes - and ensure you know about what turns there could be! I can share information. I can be a guide.

Yes you will likely walk away imagining what your 'dream' birth would look like - and that is fine, and healthy.

It is SO important to me that when preparing birth teams we talk about the realities - both the fabulous orgasmic birth with comfortable sensations as well as the births that take unexpected turns, births where managing the sensations of birth are incredibly hard.

Birth trauma is unfortunately very real. Processing feelings about your birth after the event, however it went, is incredibly important. Not all births are positive. There are many things about your body and baby that you ultimately may not have control over when the day comes. I hope more than anything that you have a positive birth experience, and will do all I can to help you prepare for one and ensure that you have tools to draw upon in challenging times.

Tips for you to take away

• Choose your antenatal course carefully - ensure that you feel you can really connect with the teacher

• It's important to attend your FULL course that you have booked

• Ask questions, push on the 'what-ifs' - lets talk about the scary stuff too

• Practice your coping techniques and tools

• Think about your birth plan in detail

• Share information with your birth partner and absolutly have them attend class with you

• Take time and space to process your birth experience after - talk to a trusted friend, seek guidance from a therapist that specialises in birth trauma (yes they are out there and they're amazing!), go through your notes with the head of midwifery

And if you take away just one thing....

You grew a f** human. A human. An actual human. Someone that could one day have as full and rich life as you. A whole world. I think you deserve to dream. You deserve information about your wonderful body. You deserve to feel pumped about bringing them into the world.

You are not a fragile flower, you are a powerhouse creating the future of humanity.

Link to original article: https://www.bbc.com/worklife/article/20230122-positive-birth-and-hypnobirthing-movements